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The Book

Out now at Amazon | Waterstones

Middle Class Handbook on Twitter
Chattering Class

Prince Harry

Even republicans approve, surely?

Microwaving tea

Recommended by scientists, apparently. Disgusting

No televised election debates

Disappointing; we were rather looking forward to May vs The Sturge


Olivia Coleman = nailed-on Future National Treasure

Spring Bank holidays

Too close together! Very bad!


“I queued for THREE BLOODY HOURS at B&Q for a new recycling bin! The entire town’s in CHAOS”


To be listened to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

It’s back! Possibly the best ever singing dog in an advert ever

Crap tacos

Reheated, with too much chilli: middle-class kebabs, basically

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    Rule Britax-tania – the Royal Family goes Middle Class

    If there’s one picture which reflects the cultural hegemony of the middle classes this week, it was the perma-beaming Prince William collecting his wife and new baby from hospital. His very presence there was distinctly unregal – his forebears might have marked the arrival of an heir with some hunting or a tryst with a minor countess –  but it was his speedy installation of a Which?-approved Britax car seat to bear the House of Wettin’s latest asset back home, that wowed the Quinny-pushing classes.

    While most of us struggle bewildered with surplus loops of straps and things that should be secure wobbling alarmingly – like a man in a somnolent marriage wrong-footed by his wife’s sudden fervor for EL James – William’s textbook installation was a classic piece of alpha bourgeois display parenting. Next he’ll be telling you that his kid hates burgers but really, really likes olives.

 If it was rendered slightly vulgar by the admission that he had indeed been practising, this is a clear admission by the Royal Family that they need to get away from being flunky-dependent feudalists into something more urban and can-do – people who buy their own furniture, and can even assemble it if needs be.

    The moment was sealed with a fearless piece of investigative journalism by the Huffington Post revealing that the baby might not have been secured correctly, thus enabling a lot of middle-class people on the internet to engage in another favourite past-time – criticizing other people’s parenting. It takes a village to raise a child, and a Mumsnet forum to tell them exactly where it went wrong.