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Chattering Class

Prince Harry

Even republicans approve, surely?

Microwaving tea

Recommended by scientists, apparently. Disgusting

No televised election debates

Disappointing; we were rather looking forward to May vs The Sturge

Broadchurch

Olivia Coleman = nailed-on Future National Treasure

Spring Bank holidays

Too close together! Very bad!

Bin-mageddon

“I queued for THREE BLOODY HOURS at B&Q for a new recycling bin! The entire town’s in CHAOS”

S-Town

To be listened to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

It’s back! Possibly the best ever singing dog in an advert ever

Crap tacos

Reheated, with too much chilli: middle-class kebabs, basically

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The Periodic Table of the Middle Class
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    Entries in MCH (108)

    Friday
    Jun142013

    Chattering class: The small chat in between big discussions

    Pale yellow shorts, apricot polo with green loafers

    Summer version of red trousers; heads up from @Vicky_liddell

    Bite-sized treats

    Unbeatable. Is there a mini version of something we won’t hoover up?

    Falafel

    So simple, so middle Eastern, so healthy, so completely MC

    Should you wave to other drivers of the New Beetle?

    Good question, @matt_davies

    The average adult apparently spends 23 minutes a day eating

    Yeah, right – it’s all you lot ever talk about

    Vaseline? Lard?

    Where next for @heidistephens after buying facecream in Poundland?

    The popping candy/magic food bullshit

    Still doing the rounds. Yawn, says @misskp

    Cash

    We’re not ready to give it up – contactless and mobile payments just don’t feel trustworthy yet

    Beetroot

    A trusty MC veg, now creating more jobs at Maggots Nook Farm. Nice work, beetroot

    Food served on chopping boards

    The thrill was short-lived

    Friday
    Jun072013

    Chattering class: This week’s chat, cut down to size

    “praah-lean”

    Is the correct way to say praline, @namienemki

    Writing “inorite” and “kthxbai”

    Stop it

    Aldi’s own brand tea beats Harrods to become UK favourite

    That’s our Aldi

    Loving the craft beer ponciness, but happily sitting in garden with a four-pack of Stella

    You’re not the only one striking this balance, @SourceDeliPaul

    £2 facecream from Aldi is every bit as good as £20 brands

    Heads up from @heidistephens

    The Lidl one is good too

    Good news from @samaryd

    Popcorn

    Having a moment. Has become acceptable to serve as a pre-dinner nibble

    The Returned

    New stylish drama on the block. Don’t miss

    Witty one-liner/punning Twitter accounts

    Getting boring now

    Summer leaves us prone to the ‘handbag causing dress to ride up on one side’ debacle

    It’ll be over soon, @mushenska; don’t panic

    Friday
    May312013

    CHATTERING CLASS: MORE RABBIT THAN SAINSBURY'S

    Homemade hummus. Homemade pesto. Homemade ice cream.

    Ok, ok, @adrianhieatt, it's not a competition!

    53 of 1000 Sainsbury's selected as "Champagne Stores"

    Quickest way to verify how posh your town is

    The upselling of cheap chocolate

    Officially the worst thing about WHSmith

    Joe & Seph's

    Trendy popcorn alert

    Not knowing how the shower works in a hotel/friend's house

    So awkward

    "Pop-up"

    Such a tired word and concept

    Several days

    The length of time MCs are prepared to wait in a GP waiting room before asking why there's a delay

    "Against this backdrop"

    New banned phrase, declares @GeordieClarke

    The LinkedIn endorsement

    An unconditional, more or less pointless, gesture

    "Excuse me, could I try on the other shoe?"

    One of the most awkward questions in modern life

    Friday
    May172013

    Chattering class: 10 pieces of chat for the price of 1

    Continental meat sales are soaring

    We just can’t get enough chorizo

    While cider sales plummet

    We blame the mildly annoying ice-in-the-pint-glass malarky

    Could it be time for the shandy’s glorious revival?

    Yes, @DaniBevins, it really could be

    M&S new fashion range seems to be going down well

    Phew, keen to get things back to normal ASAP

    Great Gatsby themed everything

    Enough art deco already

    Pound shops thriving in MC areas

    There’s still kudos in being a bargain hunter

    Morrisons and Ocado going into business together

    Ooh, Waitrose, watch out

    Larders

    We are so feeling the love

    Citizens Advice urging ban on cold calling

    And not before time!

    WHSMith

    Ridiculously horrible but basically the heart of today’s sad high street

    Friday
    May102013

    Maslow’s hierarchy of scented candles  

    We Brits spend roughly £40m a year on scented candles, a figure that has been steadily growing, and now we demand more from them than simply making a room smell nice. They’ve become a go-to for enhancing our mood or helping us wind down after a hard day. And, of course, they are yet another way of subtly displaying our cultural values. Here’s how to make sense of the scents:

    Self-actualisation – Cire Trudon

    Burning a scented candle is essentially a decadent act, and nothing smells of decadence like a French luxury brand once favoured by Marie-Antoinette.

    Esteem – Jonathan Adler

    Adler’s edgier scents in funky pots – ‘Tomato’, ‘Pepper’, ‘Earl Grey’, ‘Bubblegum’, ‘Hashish’ – have a slight frisson of ‘will this work?’ And of course, like salted chocolate or strawberries with basil, they do, and in the most satisfying of ways. They let visitors know that we have already done the nursery slopes of ‘Fig’ and ‘Moroccan Rose’ and are ready for the thrills of some olfactory black runs. See also Malin+Goetz’s ‘Mojito’, ‘Black Rum’ and ‘Tobacco’ candles.

    Love/Belonging – True Grace

    This quintessentially English candlemaker allows us to express key parts of our personalities with fragrances that sound like Farrow & Ball paint colours – ‘Library’, ‘Curious’, ‘Seashore’ – but makes them seem unpretentious (no one’s fooled) by putting them in tins. For example, ‘Parlour’ supposedly evokes ‘Walking into the cottage, welcomed by the scents of wood fires, a jar of flowers on the table, a fresh pot of tea and fruitcake from the familiar tin in the pantry.’ They know us too well.

    Safety – Diptyque 

    It is impossible not to love Diptyque’s classic candles. Or to fail to recognise them in someone else’s home. Trademark fragrances such as ‘Figuier’, ‘Baies’, ‘Feu de Bois’ and ‘Roses’ are the sorts of things you can confidently buy as a present for someone you don’t know that well. See also Jo Malone.

    Physiological –'own brand' and/or Glade

    Supermarket own brand or brands more readily associated with plug-in air fresheners. Especially if they are poorly sealed with a plastic lid or cellophane. These tend to come in unexciting fragrances such as jasmine, rose, winter spice, or vanilla, or fragrances that echo air-freshener/fabric-softener scents – sea breeze, cotton fresh. These candles emit smells that are mildly more pleasant than those they are trying to mask (damp, cigarettes, pets, fried food) but which do not necessarily enhance one’s sensory pleasure. If someone gives you a Glade ‘Garden Sunshine’ scented candle as a gift, they are trying to tell you something.

    Bubbling under – Price’s

    Could there be a scented-candle backlash on the horizon with a return to plain candles made by a no-nonsense firm with form? Tall, tapering candles in actual candlesticks on the dinner table or short fat altar candles used en masse to bathe a room in a warm glow rather than overpower it with scent, perhaps? A candle that smells of wax? It’s a revolution waiting to happen.

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