Another season of E4’s staged reality show Made in Chelsea began last night, so now's a good time to take stock of the language this peculiar microcosm has given us and make sure we’re all up to speed. There are a few words, phrases and pronunciations common to boys and girls, such as pronouncing party as “pardy”, and the oddly childish expression “going on dates” instead of “dating” or “seeing each other”. But there are also elements that are specific to the male and female characters. Here’s a little run down so you can have a go and perfect your Chelsea patter.
Use oddly 1990s slang such as “sick”, “jokes” and “safe”
Your male friends are your “bois” (spelt like that). Say this as much as possible, “yes bois, how are we bois?”
Less close male friends, and those you’re feeling a bit hostile towards, are “brothers”
Every conversation needs to end with an awkward handshake, high five or quick touch-hug
Women are “girls”. Use this collective whenever there is more than one in front of you. “How are you girls? What have you girls been up to?”
Girlfriends are, amazingly, known as “birds”
If nothing to say, hug or just say “yes bois!” a lot.
Affect a 40-a-day croak
Combine with babyish tone
End every phrase with a question intonation or a drawl
Call your female friends “bubba”, “bunny”, “babs”, “babby” and variations thereof
Call your thinner, more petite friends “little one” with thinly veiled contempt
Mix up your vowel sounds. Spencer becomes “Spancah”, Andy becomes “Undeh”
If nothing to say, just stare and pout
If staring goes on too long, smile coyly and say “this is awkward”.