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Spring Bank holidays

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Bin-mageddon

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To be listened to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

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The Periodic Table of the Middle Class
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    « CHATTERING CLASS: THIS WEEK IN SPLIT HAIRS | Main | Soft Top Tribe #4: Audi A3 »
    Thursday
    Jul192012

    HOW TO SPEAK LIKE AN ATHLETE

    Look, before I get into this and everybody berates me for being an Olympics killjoy, I’ll just say I do know that athletes are very special and that what they do is very different from what most of us do for a living, therefore giving them a licence to talk about themselves in the way that they do. But, sorry, it is amusing, and goes against all common British standards of modesty, cynicism and self-deprecation. Just imagine a world where we all spoke like athletes…

    Here are five techniques which will help us achieve that dream:

    1. Forget about normal standards of modesty
    “I did an excellent job today”
    “I’m in really good shape at the moment, the best shape of my life”
    “This is an incredibly demanding job"
    “I discovered I was talented at a young age”
    “I’ve always believed in myself”

    2. State the painfully obvious
    “I’ve just got to keep doing well in order to succeed”
    “You never know what’s going to happen”
    “Ultimately I just need to put what I’ve learnt into practice”
    “It’s all about going out there to win”

    3. Use melodrama without self-awareness
    “This is going to be the biggest challenge of my life”
    “This will change my life forever”

    4. Throw in lots of cliché 
    “It’s all about winning, at the end of the day”
    “This has opened up so many doors for me”

    5. Be very serious and monotonous
    Avoid varying your tone. Flat, humourless, and ultimately quite boring, is what you’re going for. 

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