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The Book

Out now at Amazon | Waterstones

Middle Class Handbook on Twitter
Chattering Class

Prince Harry

Even republicans approve, surely?

Microwaving tea

Recommended by scientists, apparently. Disgusting

No televised election debates

Disappointing; we were rather looking forward to May vs The Sturge


Olivia Coleman = nailed-on Future National Treasure

Spring Bank holidays

Too close together! Very bad!


“I queued for THREE BLOODY HOURS at B&Q for a new recycling bin! The entire town’s in CHAOS”


To be listened to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

It’s back! Possibly the best ever singing dog in an advert ever

Crap tacos

Reheated, with too much chilli: middle-class kebabs, basically

Latest Comments
The Periodic Table of the Middle Class
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    I hate fit people

    I have started going to the gym. For the third time this year. Went on the running machine, which in certain circumstances I can almost enjoy - though not circumstances such as tonight's, which involved a very fit-looking rugbyish bloke and trim, attractive-ish woman coming and going on the machines either side of me. Gah! I was going very slowly compared to them, so made the mistake of increasing speed to a level which I could sustain for about three minutes. Then had to decrease it and look as if this was what I had intended to do all along - but who runs at 7.2 mph for 20 minutes, then 12 mph for 3 minutes, then gets off? Social death. Or did they not notice? Probably too busy thinking about sport, or what protein drink they were going to have when they had finished. Slunk off to the rowing machine then packed it in and went to get changed. (Why do men's changing rooms have that disgusting smell? Is it to do with steroids? It smells like cesspits.)

    Thank heaven for the branch of M&S Food opposite the gym building! Spent several sweaty minutes after my "session" choosing an interesting fruit juice - one of those orange ones with fruit you have never heard of in them - and aimlessly walking about trying to decide if you should eat fruit directly after exercise. (Answer: not at those prices, no).

    Reader Comments (1)

    brilliant. Noticed lots of poeple who put a towel over the readout of the running machine presumably to stop poeple snooping on times/speed/incline.distance etc.

    honestly believe the potetnial for outbreak of violence in gyms is guge - all that testosterone and aggro (on the otjer hand, the potentiual for pulling/flirting/sex is almost zero, I'd say, contrary to popular belief.

    plus, what is it with women doing exercise and always wearing baseball caps?

    January 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFocused Man

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