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The Book

Out now at Amazon | Waterstones

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Chattering Class

Prince Harry

Even republicans approve, surely?

Microwaving tea

Recommended by scientists, apparently. Disgusting

No televised election debates

Disappointing; we were rather looking forward to May vs The Sturge


Olivia Coleman = nailed-on Future National Treasure

Spring Bank holidays

Too close together! Very bad!


“I queued for THREE BLOODY HOURS at B&Q for a new recycling bin! The entire town’s in CHAOS”


To be listened to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

It’s back! Possibly the best ever singing dog in an advert ever

Crap tacos

Reheated, with too much chilli: middle-class kebabs, basically

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    Voldemort & My Wife Vs Me

    Me and dear wife and daughter have just come back from a short break in a cottage in Devon (South, which I think is less posh than the North but could be wrong). We took two DVD box sets to watch in the evenings when dear daughter was in bed: a Hitchcock, and the Harry Potter one. I suggested the Hitchcock because I thought it would be a good thing to watch properly all those classic films you're supposed to know about, but in reality have only ever seen the 20 minutes of. When I mentioned it, my wife looked briefly worried and said, well, fine, but can we get something, um, light as well? Like the Harry Potter maybe? Privately wondering if I should have married someone more intellectual (only joking dear), I agreed. 

    As usual, my wife's practicality saved us from evenings of infinite boredom. We only managed Vertigo ("Don't you think this is a bit slow? I mean, honestly?" said my wife after what seemed like three hours). Two others got twenty minutes before we gave up.  I thought Alfred Hitchcock was supposed to be the master of suspense? Everything takes so long that you lose interest, and you can predict the whole plot after the third scene.
    I find Daniel Radcliffe a bit annoying, and I only REALLY like Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but these are what we watched.
     My wife said someone should make DVD cabinets for people like me, so I can have the DVDs I think I ought to like showing, with the ones I actually watch hidden. Right as usual. I wonder if you could patent a middle-class DVD cabinet? Anyway, I suggested that Harry Potter DVDs were our guilty pleasure, but she said I was being pretentious, and that her real guilty pleaure was laughing at Emma Watson's rubbish acting. 


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