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Middle Class Handbook on Twitter
The Book

Available now at Amazon | Waterstones

Chattering Class

The week's gossip cut down to size

Eating in cinemas

Only permissible if the food makes little sound in the mouth. Pears are an ideal film food

National Watercress Week 20-26 May

We might have a party

"The point is..."

Obnoxious. Stop saying it. Now.

A good middle-class person should remove a bothersome insect or spider from a glass

Don't kill it. That's beneath you

BSkyB bid

It's hard work not to roll it together by mistake and say "B-Sky-Bid", isn't it?

Rose bushes are back in demand for the first time since the 60s

Lovely news

Coloured glassware

One or two non-matching coloured glasses among other plain glass ones can work well

Turning up late to a party

Very 70s. On time and leaving early is the modern MC way

M&S new budget range

Still not convinced we'll end up doing our big shop there

Thing to say on a sunny-ish day in May

"Well, this is more like it" and then "But let's not get our hopes up, eh?"

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The Periodic Table of the Middle Class
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    Bitters - A work in progress

     

    Bitters were suggested in a blog entry in June 2009. This page collects the notes about them from that entry, and from other subsequent sources.

    They are named after Twitter - a site they particularly hate. Bitters basically feel drowned by the technology everywhere, and yet are niggled by the idea that they ought to be trying to keep up. They were always crap with technology, they loathe any type of user manual, and feel a peculiar mix of resentment, jealousy and hatred when they see see people such as the work experience kid clutching their copy of Wired and doing something futuristic on their iPhone.

    Secretly, even though half of them do media jobs where it is quite essential the Bitters wish it would just all go away. However, they do have urges to catch up and get on top of it, which is why they bought an iPod and then didn't get round to actually loading it with songs because they could not face the inevitable disappointment of it going wrong. They will have signed up to various websites, only to log on once then never return because they forgot their password and log in.

    Not necessarily over 30 - there is marked tendency among the under-30s to opt out of the tech rush on the grounds that face to face contact can be just as rewarding as Facebook.